Resolving Books

Many Mini Life Changes, bullying Books, Anger management books & Sibling Rivalry Books

20 Apr

Losing your temper as a means to avoid conflict

Posted in Uncategorized on 20.04.10 by Merlyn

The way we respond to other people is a mixture of our particular nature and the way we are brought up.

For example, if you grow up in a family where disagreement and rows happen and are resolved as part of normal family life, your experience will have taught you not to worry about people disagreeing with you as it is possible to sort things out. However, if your experience is that disagreements can get out of hand on a regular basis and people can get hurt, you will be triggered to feel that rows are dangerous. Your instinct will be to either back away or force a quick resolution on your terms to stop things escalating. It is interesting to note that quite often somebody who ‘shouts the loudest’ and forces their own view is actually instinctively avoiding conflict by stopping dissent.

I found it an interesting part of my work as a mediator to learn that aggression generally covered an inability to negotiate. That in actual fact a forceful personality who will not give way is showing considerable weakness.

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2 comments on this topic

  1. Mary says:

    I found this quite interesting as, been involved in many an argument myself throughout the years, I’ve come across a lot of “shouters”. People who boil up quite quickly and feel the need to explode rather than staying calm and resolving a disagreement without smashing plates or throwing scalding tea over someone! From reading the Anger Book with my own children I’ve come to realise myself how benefitial the “Counting Down” tool is. It’s amazing how 10 deep breaths can calm a situation incredibly before the row can escalate. I’ve ben encouraging my children to talk and listen more to each other, asking questions to understand the point of view from both sides and it’s amazing the difference in atmosphere around the house. Referring is not a chore anymore but a delight to see how mature they seem to be becoming! Thanks to the authors of these fine books and I must say the illustrations are amazing.